Week #3 – Don’t Fear the Reaper (of Rejection)

Be bold. Enter contests. Flirt with cute strangers. Audition/apply for things you have no business auditioning/applying for. But please stay away from Club Vogue.

 

Club Vogue, for those not in the know, is a strip club near my school. I’ve yet to grace its seedy halls, but sometimes when money gets tight, I say (purely in jest), that I’m going to apply. Not that they’d hire me anyway; I’m shaped like a 14 year old boy and I act like a 93 year old woman. I might break my hip swinging on that pole, that’s a huge liability right there.

 

ANYWAY! This week is not about stripping, it’s about boldness! Being bold! Releasing the tiger within! Grrrraaaaaawwww!

 

I haven’t a clue what that means. So far, all I’ve done is ask for an extra tortilla with my burrito bol at Chipotle…

I think my problem is that I have this morbid fear of failure. When I was younger, I excelled in everything, except sports, which is probably why I never played. Over time, I’ve had that perfectionist spirit beaten out of me, but part of it still lingers. I’m afraid of being a burden to people, I’m afraid of people disliking me. If I think someone is going to say ‘no’ to me, I won’t even try to ask them for an answer or a favor. If I think I’m going to fail at something, a lot of times I just won’t try. What a plate of suck. This is no way to live.

I’m a pretty chill person, I just let life happen, but I’m also “The Good Girl”, the “Responsible One”, the “Role Model” too. I always wear my seatbelt, I’ve never done drugs, I don’t sleep around, I take my vitamins, I’m respectful to my elders. I don’t make waves unnecessarily. I’ve been this nice, little sweet girl all of my life, and to be honest, sometimes it’s irritating. Sometimes, I just want to be “That Girl”. I want to stir shit up instead of playing it safe.

 

I don’t think that this means I have to go looking for trouble or mischief this week, per se, but let’s just say that if that train comes into my station, I’d better hop on board. We’ll see.

 

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