Archive for April, 2011

Let’s Try This Again, Shall We?

Hello interwebs!

Consistency and gumption are not my strong points, as you may be aware.  I have started and restarted and re-restarted this project for…oh, going on four years.

But I think I’m really going to do it this time.  Full speed ahead.  As soon as classes are over.

Here’s where I am in my life:  In the past four years, I got my bachelor’s degree (in linguistics), moved back to Kansas City, started working on my master’s (not in linguistics) and secured a pretty baller job.  I was in a relationship for almost two years, which met its messy demise about one year ago.   I’ve had some fledgling attempts at romance since then which haven’t really gone anywhere.

My mother lives in Arizona, my father lives in the Middle East, my brother lives in my hometown and my heart is scattered all over the globe.

I rarely write anymore (in fact, I write so infrequently that I almost forgot how to spell ‘write’ when I was typing the prior sentence! For shame!) and I want to get back to that.

This project fundamentally changed me, even though I only stuck with it for such a short time.  Without a doubt, it absolutely changed me.  In retrospect, I notice a remarkable difference between the person I was before the summer of 2007 and the person that I transformed into during my senior year of college.    For one, I’ve become less introverted, which has both positive and negative consequences.  I’ve become more uninhibited, less afraid of being judged.  At the same time, though this sounds counter-intuitive or contradictory, I’ve found that I crave validation from external sources more than I used to.

When I was younger, I was very creative.  I was constantly writing songs, short stories, novelettes, choral works, plays, musicals, you name it.  I developed websites, dabbled in digital photography and cooking and sewing and fabric design. I was content creating things for creation’s sake.  I found validation in my work.  Now, I create less and when I do, I feel the need to subject it to other people’s approval.  Everything is in the light.   I waste time consuming instead of creating.   I want that back.   Hopefully, this project will help me jump-start that.  I don’t care who reads this.    I’m doing this for me.
Ars gratis artis.


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