Archive for Personal

Week #2 – Journal

I decided to journal instead of taking a much-needed nap, so please pardon my rambliness!

When I was younger, I used to practice doing TV interviews with Rosie O’Donnell and Oprah.  I was *sooo sure* that I’d be famous one day, with pantsloads of money and worldly goods, a mansion and a car for everyday of the week.  It could still happen, I suppose, but my vision of the ideal life has changed significantly.  All I really want is a cozy little house with a bit of land to grow a vegetable garden.  I want a little porch with rocking chairs and lemonade, a kitchen stocked with fresh-baked goodies, a warm fireplace, a table full of friends and family, walls that tell stories.  I want to live off of the land and toil the earth so that when I lay my head on the pillow at the end of the day, I can feel that I earned my sleep that night.

I want a simple life.  Not easy, but simple.

I know that my vision is rather idealistic and overly romantic, but I don’t have much to base it off of, after all, I grew up in the very quintessence of Modern Suburbia.  In my town, “quality family time” is busing the kids back and forth to soccer/ballet/piano lessons; a “home-cooked meal” is a frozen pizza or Hamburger Helper; moms swap sex tips instead of recipes.

I don’t know…I just want to break out of this box.  I feel that all of our lives have been reduced to nondescript boxes:  We work in bland office cubicles, we stare at hours on end at TVs and computers, we shop in Walmarts, we eat processed crap that has less nutritional value than the very box it came in.  And finally, after depression, high cholesterol and heart failure do us in, they throw us into a coffin and that’s that.

But there’s more to life than this, I know it.  What’s happened to us?  It seems that people these days have lost the will (or the ability) to create; we’re just going through the motions, just doing things without any investment or attachment.    I’m starting to ramble too much, so let me gather my thoughts…

By nature, people must “create” to survive, so to speak, by building shelter, planting crops, rearing children, developing laws of civilization.  And with these things, people not only see the end results, but they have  a direct, personal effect on us as well.   Now, it’s different somehow, more prepackaged, more detached.   I mean, you’re born, you go to school, which is now devoted to cramming for state/national exams instead of learning important life skills.  Then you go to college, not for personal or academic growth, but so that you can make the right connections and contacts to get on the corporate track, so that you can be a cog in The System until you die.   Is this it?

I know I sound crazy.  I swear I’m not some mouthy, pseudo-intellectual neo-communist.   Blast.  I didn’t even intend to write about this; my original topic was my secret desire to be a domestic diva (in all of my pie-crust making, diaper-changing, interior-decorating glory), but I’m beginning to realize that my desire is greater than that:  in general, I love to create beautiful things, whether they are tangible (baking, sewing, drawing, writing) or intangible (telling corny jokes, having thought-provoking conversations, day-dreaming).  That’s what keeps me sane.  I’ll never escape “The System”, that’s just a part of life:  working crappy jobs, paying taxes, playing the social games.

But my sanity comes from the fact that I know that my worth lies somewhere beyond.  What I do does not define who I am.  In our culture, one of the first things we ask a new person is “What do you do?”.  Of course, I know it’s meant as just a casual, non-threatening conversation starter, but subconsciously (or even consciously) we place a lot of weight upon a person’s vocational and socioeconomic status.  That’s bull.  I think it’s okay to have the crappiest job in the world, but if that job makes you happy or enables you to help others or spend more time with your family, then screw all the doctors and lawyers and CEOs.   And if you live in a little bitty house on the wrong side of town, but that house is filled with life and love and color and warmth and good memories, then it’s better than any cold, empty McMansion.  To me, a plate of rice and beans in a kitchen filled with friends and family is more delicious than an entire feast eaten alone.  But that’s just my opinion.  Everyone’s got to dream.  Without dreams, there’s no difference between sleep and death.

That’s enough babbling out of me.  I’m going to eat some blackberries. Beautimous!

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52 Pieces: An Intro

What if every single person in the world took a year out of their life to do all the things they’ve always thought about doing?

– Owen Lowery, analternativetoslittingyourwrist.com

This Owen fellow decided to do just that, using the next 52 weeks to accomplish 52 things, like bungee jumping, holding a scorpion, making someone’s wish come true, etc.

I think it’s a brilliant idea, so I’m taking on the challenge myself and coming up with 52 creative tasks to tackle over the next year.
This is exactly what I need in my life right now, to be honest. I’m not particularly depressed, nowhere near suicidal. There’s nothing wrong with my life; I’ve just hit a dry spot. It doesn’t feel like life anymore. I feel that I’m just going through the motions: wake up, work, eat, sleep. Nothing in between (oh, put showering in there too. And all those other pesky hygienic tasks…).

When I was younger, my life was full of all sorts of adventures. I wrote musicals and novels, started bands, explored enchanted forests, made movies…the works. Where did that spark go? I miss the wonder and excitement of life. Hopefully, my endeavors over the next 52 weeks will help me reclaim that.

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